DEATH AND DIEING

I have lived a very comfortable life for the last 29 years for the most part. I have never dealt with family dieing, except my grandpa Hershel when I was 10. Such a distant memory.

Being home and seeing my Grandma lying in a bed, unresponsive, is surreal. I keep thinking she is going to wake up and see that I am there...and be completely happy, full of life. I've also never seen her in pain because she is EXTREMELY STRONG and never showed emotion. She lays there in bed all day and wakes up for maybe 2 minutes at a time, and says "YEAH!" in response to your questions. You can feel the LOVE in her tone, like the grandma I know. But then shortly after, she is back in a coma-like state just to wake hours later. Then the realization hits, she isn't doing good at all and....is dieing and slipping away. Grandmas legend will have an end. My moms, mom.

Dieing is hard. You realize everything that has to be done. And when I say EVERYTHING I mean 3 different things. There is family to contact (which is hard when your family is running everywhere). Then all her Assets when there is no will. Then the funeral arrangements and everything that goes into that down to the outfit she will leave this world in. Last but not least, her home. Her home that is filled with her life from the past 78 years.

I am taking this chance to strengthen my mom. She is a strong woman, but this is going to be an emotional roller coaster. Right now, she is trying to be strong but with all this on her shoulders (literally, everything), It will take great love and support. I know Grandma will be in a better place after she passes...and just that thought alone is very comforting.

LAST WORDS

My Dear Kids--

Goodbye Kids. I love you and will most definitely miss you.

Be good for our friends while I am away. You want to be invited back someday.

Be good for your dad. He isn't a professional like me. I bet if you help him with chores, he will even let you stay up late and eat ice cream. Maybe if it is nice outside, he might take you out to practice shooting.

Don't forget to feed Duke. He needs you... So do the fish (that are still alive). Make sure they have food.

Do your homework and play outside. Those games aren't doing you any good.

I will see you in 1 week.

Love, Mom

WHEN TEMPTATION CALLS

The oreo cookies have a competitor. It's called Vacation. On Vacation, I love to spend money and go out to eat. I also love buying camera stuff and shop. Just thinking about Vacation--I think of Red Lobster and Red Robin.

My splurges that I talked about yesturday is going to be hard. I will have to MAKE SURE I buy a loaf of bread and some Bologna, a box a cereal, and eat at families house for dinner. Give me strength! This will be a big test to how serious I am about a budget. I can do it...for my family.

That is why we all budget right. Not the temporal. Long term. This trip back home will only cost me my airline miles hopefully.

SPLURGES

Some people love clothes, shoes, jewelry, new cars, ect. These are all what you would call wants. The first month of your budget (like a diet), you are aware of the temptation and focused on the goal. After jumping over that first hurdle, you forget how much strength it was to jump that first hurdle. Then you realize you have a whole track of them. In order to make it over all your hurdles, you have to exercise and strengthen where your weak. The goal is still there, it's just harder to achieve than you thought.
The month of February isn't over yet, and I have already trippled my monthly food budget. Yes, trippled! What happened? Did I slip and decide to stay down? No, I simply love to celebrate and eat good food. My husband loves this too. We had 2 birthdays, 1 dinner with friends, went out to eat 2 times, and then there was Valentines Day. After 1 week, I knew money went towards all this food, but where was all the food at? It was gone and we were left with nothing in our cupboards.

I realize now that when I want to celebrate, it has to includes good food. I forget about my goal because I choose to. As long as everyone is happy, I'm happy. (for the time being). I realize now that we could have went without the lobster tail for the whole family on Valentines Day, and the 90.00 worth of pizzas didn't have to be accompanied by a buffet of fresh fruit and shrimp for the birthday parties. Celebrations can be on a budget if I plan ahead and get creative.

My realization: I need to plan. I need to have a monthly meal plan, do all my shopping at the beginning of the month, and set aside 100.00 for fillers and fresh produce. That is 25.00 a week for fresh salads, fresh fruit, and milk. I realize this isn't fun, so I need a part of my budget for splurge (we all need a little sugar sometime :). However, with a monthly meal plan, it will minimize my trips to the store and the feeling of empty cupboards.

My Goal: To be financially smart with splurges and know my weaknesses. Look at the long term goal and not the temporal one. Last, work on finding ways to strengthen this skill and make it over this hurdle . (If you come over for dinner, We might just have top-o-ramen...jk)

Update on Grandma

This is my grandma Marilyn. She is in her late 70's. I grew up around my grandma Marilyn my whole childhood life. She could make the best food ever (especially her florida lime pies.) She also loved photography (like myself), and has a whole deep freezer full of old photos that she has hung onto over the years.Yesterday,My grandma fell . Apparently she was by herself when she fell, and knocked herself out. Luckily she had a lifeline button and pushed it when she woke up. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital where the did numerous tests.
When she fell, she broke her arm. Then in the test, they found a tumor the size of a walnut in her lungs. It looks like she isn't going home any time soon and will be going to a nursing home.
My grandma. I love her. She is a special person :) She was born on Christmas day. But what makes her even more special to me is she was always someone there to listen.

My Bundles of Joy

The kids thought it was pretty cool to roll themselves up like a hotdog. Silly :)

A QUICKIE

Mmmmm....there are a couple things in life I love that I know I should stay away from. One being Double Stuffed Oreo Cookies. There have been nights where I have been naughty at 1am and snuck into the kitchen for some of these....alot of these actually. I don't even have them in my home because I know of my weakness.
However, today they had a coupon at the store...the coupons you peel off right infront of the merchandise What do you do when it is calling my name? It was missing me and all I could think of was "I hope I have fresh milk at home." So tonight, I put the kids to bed, and set out to have a very intimate night with my love...


I was sadly disappointed. It didn't last as long as I would have liked. Normally, I can sit down and finish half a package and tonight, my belly was done after 1 row. My Pregnancy belly has no room!! I'm glad the baby had fun about 10 minutes after the snack...he is still bouncing and I'm trying to get some sleep...

BABY SHOWER IN A BOX

Have you had a friend or family member that has moved away, are all alone, and had a new baby? Some are lucky enough to have lots of friends and family surrounding them, but for others, a baby shower just doesn't happen. I understand, a baby shower is for friends and fun to spoil the little addition, right?

Well, lets not forget the people that have left our home towns. In support of that, I thought of the idea "A BABY SHOWER IN A BOX." Creating a baby shower in a box was simple, fill it with pictures, baby gifts, and gift cards...and in the mail it goes.

Preparation just requires getting everyone on board, setting a deadline, making the box pretty, and putting postage on it. I put this together for a friend Amber that moved to California, and not only did I feel extremely blessed by throwing this together for her, when she got the package, she was speechless and touched. I'm so glad she gets to feel the love from her friends, even though we couldn't be near.

Love you Amber and your precious Mateline.

11 YEARS AGO

What to write tonight. I have had so many thoughts lately I don't even know where to start. I guess I'm going to start about 12 years ago.

PREVIEW

12 years ago I was a Junior in high school. There was this boy named Mike. Other names he went by was KP, Loony, and Steven...but I called him Mike. He was a boy that I was completely infatuated with. My reasons: he was funny, easy going, always had a smile on his face, and always had good come backs. He had a trademark of a scar on his left cheek that he got while trying to feed a cat grapes when he was little. And all these reasons made me want to chase him till the end.

Mike was never someone you would take home to your parents and show as a prize. But me, being a good Mormon girl, wanted no one but him. So I changed my habits. I changed everything about me. I hung with a wild crowd. I snuck out of my house and started hanging with other boys to make him jealous. I had no self control and drank.I was what every dad was afraid of and every mom stayed up late in worry.
But I didn't care. My parents didn't understand. He made me happy when I was with him and that was all that mattered.

However, He also didn't care that he hurt me emotionally when he would hook-up with other girls. One day he was caring towards me.., the next- he was dating some other girl that was a friend of mine. Hurtful. After he was done with her, he would come back to me. I didn't understand that this was how he was...so I continued to chase, and cry..and not understand.

SENIOR YEAR

I was a senior in high school, attending a local college for the majority of my school days. My habits had not changed and I was still chasing Mike. I knew his family at this point and they loved me. He was the only guy I had gotten that close to to meet his family. He would call me up for rides and we were friends. But I didn 't want to get too close to him and remain just friends.
I enlisted in the military, took the test to be in the Army, and drove up to Spokane, WA for the final exam. I was excited. This was a good thing for me. I had a plan. In the final stages of the final exam that lasted 6 hours, there was this note in my medical records that said I had went to a rehab facility for a drug treatment program...which then DISQUALIFIED me. I was devastated. How could something I wanted so badly fail on me?
As I sat there eating lunch, all alone, this guy walked up to me and asked me if I wanted to join their group at lunch. This group of 4 guys and 2 girls were shipping out to boot camp the next morning and they were all excited about the journey that awaited them. We all hung out that night and went to this huge lazertag building. One guy in the groups name was Paul. Paul was very polite and from the same city I was. He was friendly, shy, and hansom. (Not to mention he was a man, not a boy.) We had a good time playing lazertag and laughing with each other. I gave Paul my address before he left to boot-camp and 1 week later, I got a letter. We wrote to each other for months. He was respectable. He loved my letters in return. On Christmas, he came home on leave and told me to meet him at his parents house. I really liked Paul. Yes, I was very comfortable in life and I saw very little of Mike. From what I had heard was he was getting into more and more trouble.

Spring rolled around. The end of high school... Which meant lots of parties. I started getting phone calls for parties, out at the sand dunes and other places. I accepted. Then as the temperature rose outside, there were even more opportunities. The last quarter of school I would make it about 2 days out of the week to class and I was failing the majority of my classes.

I got a job at a hotel doing banquets. I loved doing banquets and the people I worked with were friends with Mike. Mike would show up there on occasion, completely messed up. No one knew where he was half the time, but the word was that he was a klipto (someone who steels all the time.) A part of me felt sorry for him and that he needed help. I wanted to help him because he was ruining his life! Mike use to be a decent guy and a part of me, still chased him. I thought I could talk to him because we were friends. So, we got closer...as friends.
Our friendship grew. Before I knew it, I was hanging out with his friends. Going to parties he went to. Falling for him yet again...but this time, I started doing stupid stuff. Looking back I see that to be with him, I needed to do the same things he did. So I used drugs. All sorts of street drugs.

One night, a group of us went to the Columbia Bridge. Mike loved to bridge jump. This day, I ventured to try it out. He went first. I remember we had to do it fast because it was against the law...and he went first. Splash! he went in and swam out. I heard people yelling at me to hurry up and go...so I just closed my eyes, folded my arms in front of me...and jumped.

Jumping off of bridges isn't smart. As I was falling, my body started to go at an angle and the back of my legs slapped the water. It was like hitting a brick wall. I remember the few seconds I was under the water and I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't swim either...as I doggy paddled into the shore, Mike went out there and rescued me. It was like he didn't want to, but I was drowning. I thought of it as he was my rescuer and didn't want to leave his side. This was the night I got pregnant...

PREGNANCY

I found out I was pregnant by going to a planned parenthood. It was the end of May, right before everyone else was to walk down the graduation Isle but me. So, I sat there, in planned parenthood and cried. My life as I knew it was at one of the lowest points. I was pregnant with a child from Mike, I didn't graduate high school, I had very little self-worth, and my brothers and sister pretty much were embarrassed of me. Planned parenthood sent me on my way with some info. and I went home.

I cried. I had to tell my mom but I couldn't. Call it mothers intuition, but she knew. She cried.
Then I had to tell my dad. He cried. I really cried. I remember walking outside of my house in tears, and my dad just put his arms around me. He assured me that he loved me so much (I am totally crying as I'm writing this part).
Then my mom told me I had to call Paul and tell him. This was the hardest. I did. Paul was crushed, completely and utterly crushed...and I felt his pain. I had hurt him so badly by my mistake and all I wanted was for him to forgive me. I cried.
I told Mike. He was excited. But not the excitement you would think. He kept on running the streets and took no responsibility for what had happened. I would page him with "911" and he wouldn't call back. He didn't care. I was all alone.
I cried for the whole first 4 months. I cried myself to sleep almost every night. As I sobered up, I saw what I had done to my life, and I was saddened.
I cried the next few months of my pregnancy.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, I had a job at the local TV station. I also had moved in with a friend Angie. Mike returned one of my pages finally. He was so high on drugs when I saw him, but he stayed there and held my hand. He knew how to wezzle his way into my emotional life and acted like he cared. For like 2 days he would show up. Then he was gone.
He would show up out of the blue and act like everything was ok. I would say "why haven't you returned my pages? I called you 20 times?" He would always have an excuse.. but I knew he was dealing drugs and lived right up the street from us.

2 weeks before Trey was born, Mike decided to sober up. He told me he loved me. I cried. Not because I was happy, but because he had scared me for life. And now he wanted this happy family?? Yes, I wanted a happy family too, but I was hurting. So, for the next 2 weeks, he was there. Supporting me, getting excited. The hurt slowly became masked with the excitement of the new arrival.

THE BIRTH

I will never forget the day Trey was born. My induction was scheduled. I had a pile of videos to watch. My mom, dad, and all of Mikes family was there. It all seemed too perfect for the day, February 6th, 2000. I got sick during labor and Mike tried to wipe the puke off of my face but make it worse. Trey was born around 2pm. The most beautiful baby was born. I cried.
Mike held Trey. To me, surrounded by family as my first child was born, was the perfect day. All I saw were smiles and love as Trey entered this world. He was a perfect angel given to me. To be his mother and raise him as my own. My dad stayed by my side most of the time with nothing but love for me.

Around 4pm, Mike said he had to go and shower and get a change of clothes. A friend came to give him a ride. He said he would be right back. So I waited.

I waited with my dad. But my dad eventually had to go. So then it was just me.
8pm rolled by. Mike didn't return.
9pm.
10pm.
11pm. Just as I was about to give up, . Mike stumbles into the hospital. Come to find out, he went out to do drug runs with his friend. They got pulled over by the cops. His friend went to jail. Mike didn't this time.

When Trey was 9 months old, Mike went to Prison for 2 1/2 years. Me, with help from my mom and dad, raised Trey and watched him grow. I gave him his first bath. I fed him in the night. I worked at the TV station making due as my parents helped me. We grew closer and closer, Trey and I. He was the best baby you could ask for and was in a good home.
Mike did get out of jail and was sober, ready to start a family. But it wasn't long before he started down the same path.
Mike went back to Prison when Trey was 4 years old. For another 2 1/2 years. For the first 4 years of Treys life, he only knew his real dad, Mike, for about 1 year of it. Then Mike went back to Prison for the 3rd time when Trey was 8 years old where he still is.

I remember when I met Andy. He loved Trey and always played with him. He eventually even changed his diapers for me. They talked alot about hunting and went out into the hills together. He was very responsible and a good example for Trey. I then grew to Love the man in my life right now as he got closer to my son. My pride and Joy.

That is what Trey is. He is my Pride and Joy. He changed my life. He made me a better person. He gave me hope and responsibility. I grew up. I became a mother of a boy, that is now turning into a young man. We have those first 4 years that are irreplaceable and created a bond between us that no one but us will understand.

THE VAUGHNS: Dream Vacation

THE VAUGHNS: Dream Vacation

SOLMAR, PLAYA GRANDE RESORT HOMEPAGE

Dream Vacation

We own a timeshare in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The most amazing, beautiful resort. Have you heard of "Lovers Beach" or the Arches in Mexico? Well, this resort sits within walking distance of both with a private beach (meaning no solicitors), and beautiful rooms.

(view of the lower level grounds)

(infinity pool)

I need to sell my week for this year and that is where you all come in. It is for 7days/nights at the Playa Grande Resort, and the room is a Junior Deluxe Suite. That means it sleeps 5 people with 2 large baths, a kitchen, dining room, living room, 2 decks, and all the amenities on the resort (including a spa and 6 pools).

kitchen

deck off living room

master bedroom with private bathroom

the famous arches

extra foldout twin bed

masterbath with shower (not in picture...actually it is! Look in the mirror)

I'm selling it for 1200.00 for the whole week. That would be 170.00 per night (normal rate is 300-400 per night). It is a Gold crown resort. Please send me a message if your interested in a get-away or know of someone looking for a honeymoon destination, family trip, girls trip, or just a vacation! If you had another couple to join you, you could split the cost and have a whole week of fun!

Happy 10th Birthday Trey

My little boy turned 10 on Saturday. I will never forget when he was born. I find myself having many flashbacks. Flashbacks of good times and flashbacks of challenging moments we faced together over the last 10 years. It will call for a great blog post tomorrow.

For now, I will leave you with pictures from his special 10th birthday. I love you Trey! You definately are turning into a young man (still young) and have a heart like no other. Your growing and changing. Getting faster and smarter.

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